Posted by Jim Lichtman | Comments
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and another one to change it back again.
Q: How many Liberal Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. "Well it's not really a question of should we change it or should we not change the light bulb, but more a question of... (blah, blah, waffle)"
Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They only screw the poor.
Q: How many Libertarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. If he wants to sit in the dark, it's his business.
Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a light bulb?
A: (Bob Dole) “When I was a poor boy growing up in Kansas we didn't have light bulbs. Now I have the housekeeper do it.”
A: (Jack Kemp) “It’s morning in America! Why should we worry about light bulbs? Let those doom-crying Democrats worry about light bulbs!”
Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: (Gary Hart) “This oblique reference to screwing is an obvious attempt to drag my personal life into this campaign. Frankly, I resent it, and the American people resent it.”
A: (Jesse Jackson) “Changing the light bulb is a partial solution at best. I'm more of a Lone Ranger than a light bulb changer. But even the Lone Ranger had Tonto and Silver, and the shameful fact is that the American Indians of today don't have enough silver, or gold, or even paper money to allow them to buy into the American Dream or some extra light bulbs. We must ensure that all Americans can light their homes, from the lighthouse to the White House.”
Q: How many U.S. Presidents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The constitution says that only Congress can screw in light bulbs, so only Congress is responsible for the dark, which is why we need a Constitutional amendment.
Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to promise he'll do it better than anyone else and one to obscure the issues.
Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; Its condition is improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are totally unfounded, and the result of delusional "spin" assaults from the fanatic, elitist, liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect and dims its ego. Why do you hate freedom?
Q: How many presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Less and less all the time.
Edited from a “Definitive Collection of Light Bulb Jokes So Far Known”
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